We Luv Gardening Too

This Is Mrs Jones. I feel sorry for Mrs Jones as she has a lot to put up with. So to relax she loves to get In her garden. I hear

Mrs Jones

Farmer Jones say she is a natural and has green fingers ? Well I'm sorry but they look normal to me. Though our colour vision is not as well-developed as it is in humans...so who knows !  As I look side ways through our field gate...I must say here that we sheep have excellent peripheral vision and can see behind without turning our heads. However, we have poor depth perception. That means we cannot see immediately in front of our noses and some of our vertical vision may also have been sacrificed in order to have a wider field of vision. For example, it is doubtful that us sheep would be able to see something in a tree from close up, but I can see the front of the farmhouse...be it a little off center.
To get back to the point...there is another gate attached just to the left of the farmhouse. Apple trees stand just inside the gate with a worn grass path that leads around to the back of the farmhouse. And that is where Mrs Jones has a small vegetable plot she cul-ti-vates,( I broke that word up as you might find it hard to say so you might). Where is all this going I hear you say ? 
Well Hercules just luvs apples so he does. Ah, I can see your cogs working now. It just so happens, like, that Hercules is very clever at opening gates. He's not daft ! When he opens the gate, it gives us girls chance to squeeze through the gap at the corner of our field see, and through the gate he's just opened. He leans hard, so he does, on the trees and sometimes kicks them to make the apples fall. Oh, here he comes now...yes he's opened the gate...and begins to eat the fallen apples first.
With tools in our feet and mouth that were formally hidden under the hedge, some of us sheep make a quick dash to the vegetable plot. It's our turn to help poor Mrs Jones. The grass over here tastes nice too. Snowdrop said it tastes better on the other side where the grass is greener.
"I'm very glad to help out." Bleats Bronwyn. She gets to grips with pulling the long grass out with her teeth. Well she has to fill her 'four-chambered' stomach. Bet you didn't know that, but we sheep chew the cud.

Gwyneth, Bronwyn and Snowdrop

I gets to grips with a fork and trowel I brought over. I start to perspire a little under all this wool. "Boyo!" I exclaim,"This is hard work." But I continue on and get all the weeds out...shearing time will come soon. Time passes.
"So, where is everyone ?" baa's Bronwyn.
"I heard Mr Jones say he was off to inspect his cornfields this morning," replies myself "and Mrs Jones said she was off to the library to exchange her books and meet up with her sister for coffee and a chat in town."
"That will be at Cheswicks the coffee shop then I expect,"added Snowdrop, "Or I do believe you can get coffee from the library...and a snack of some sorts."
"There, I think we're done for the day." This is said by Grace, the smut-faced sheep.
I must say that Farmer Jones helps out Mrs Jones when he is not too busy, but not a lot and not often, NO.

A Rare Occasion...with  Farmer Jones helping

His way of relaxing is listening to classical music, watching the telly,(channel hopping...often) and generally just...lying around the place ! He works so hard, not !
Time to make our way back to the field. Hercules is still here...by the trees...resting. Don't worry...he can close the gates too! "Better get back." I mumble to Hercules," You don't want to miss out on your tea."
I hear Hercules close the gate and clip clop back to his field. We girls push through the small gap in our field...and soon...everything is back to...how it should be...so it is!

A Load Of Bull

Morning all. Gwyneth here. Isn't it a lulv'ly day ? I have another story to tell from deep in the heart of the village called Dingley Dell. Just to make it clear, this farm where I live in the middle of Wales is called Foxglove Farm. And on this farm we have hens, horses, dogs, various cats and besides us sheep and wildlife. Bet you thought I was going to break out into song (e-i-e-i-o), and I bet you thought only sheep lived here. Perhaps you will meet some of them in time.This time my story involves Farmer Jones and a certain enterprise he was about to

Farmer Jones

undertake...or not ? Farmer Jones is NEVER without his flat cap, on head or in hand...and maybe in his pocket sometimes. The reason I tell you this will become clearer later.
Well as I was saying like, one day I overheard him talking to Mrs Jones, (Oh what a nice kind lady she is), he said "We need to diversify, we are only just keeping our heads above water, (whatever that means ?) a milking cow would be a good money spinner don't you think my dear ? We could use the milk to pour over our breakfasts and to put in our tea. And I'm sure there would be a little left over to sell on the market"
Well Mrs Jones is a long-suffering woman so she is and knows it's a lot easier to agree with him then to disagree. I hear her muttering under her breath something like 'another brain dead idea'. Wonder what she means by that ?
Next Livestock Sale Day comes around. Off goes Farmer Jones in his dark red jeep-thingy pulling a trailer and leaving a trail of belching diesel smoke behind, excuse me while I have a coughing fit....cough!  splutter! cough!. Time to get the girls together and tell them what I've heard. Now us sheep worry that if this new enterprise takes off, perhaps Farmer Jones will sell us, as fleeces are not fetching the best prices at the moment. I do not care to mention what other things us sheep and lambs get sold for, so I wont mention it see...but I can tell you that MINT is not my favourite herb!
Oh, I can hear Farmer Jones coming back now, I'll just move by the gate so as I can see what's happening like. He unloads the trailer and Mrs Jones comes out. I hear her talking to her husband. "That's no cow." She says keeping her distance."You're right there my dear but I was told money was to be made in hiring out this marvelous beast for stud work" smiled Farmer Jones pleased with himself, " It's a bull !"
"I can see that, but, that's what you do with horses my love. Today cows get artificially inseminated I don't think you've thought this through properly. Besides, It's going to cost us a lot to give the beast the correct diet it will need to do it's job."
Farmer Jones takes his cap off and scratches his head, then puts it back on. After some Erumping, (making a noise like a dull trumpet with his mouth) blowing out of cheeks and such, he looses bull into field next to us, then follows Mrs Jones into the farmhouse for his tea.Time to make plans with the girls as we don't want any bull charging around field next to us and eating our beautiful grass and clover, so we don't!
"So, this is what we'll do then," I whispered to rest of sheep, "We'll bribe Shep," one of the farm dogs as he, unlike Fly (Fly smells) gets to go in the farmhouse.

Take this towel Shep

"I managed to...borrow this hand towel from Mrs Jones washing basket," I tells Shep, "I need you to gently place the end of it in Farmer Jones back pocket leaving most of it trailing see."
"I can do that, I can do that." barks silly Shep. Oh, He's not very loyal...for a biscuit or two Bronwyn managed to steal...oops meant borrow from the biscuit tin, seems Shep will do anything! Shouldn't leave the back door open. Anyone could get in without anyone knowing.
Well all went to plan, Shep put the end of the towel into the pocket leaving the rest trailing. Farmer Jones got up from the chair, headed for the field to go and look at his bull. At this point I must say that the wind had blown up a bit like. We sheep stand in our field where we can get a good look at bull in next field. We see Farmer Jones pass the bull and carry on to check the opposite end of the field where a stump was leaning over. "Don't want bull gettin' out." I hears him say...

Chased by the bull

Suddenly bull goes charging at Farmer Jones, Farmer Jones runs faster and faster like. We laugh, only it comes out in baa's...baaa, baaa, baaaaaa. The red towel is doing it's job. Farmer Jones's cap blows off and lands, with bull trampling over it. Farmer Jones manages to get out the field minus his cap. We have NEVER seen him without his hat he looks so funny. Next day farmer Jones sold his bull...once more restoring peace!...so it did.

To Bangor Or Not!

Didn't we have a luvl'y day the day we went to Bangor ? Well no we didn't. We probably would of done if we had actually got there...only the charabanc (you pronounce this word as Shara-bang) that's an old name for a coach...well it was an old one come to think of it, broke down didn't it. You see, Farmer Jones had gone out for the day to a Farmers Market, so I thought it a good idea if we sheep had a day out of our own.
I says to rest of us sheep in field, "Why don't we go out for the day too". So we got together in a huddle in corner of the field and had a little think.
After some de-liber-ra-tion, I broke that word up as it's a rather long word for a sheep...the white sheep, her name is Snowdrop, came up with the idea of going to the seaside. Snowdrop said "I know, why don't we go to Bangor." 
So we all took a vote and it was decided that's what we would do.
We meandered over to the charabanc pushing our way through a hole in the hedge to get to it. First we had to evict the hens and clean it up a little...okay, who's kidding so it was a lot as it had only been used as a hen house from as long as I can remember. 

We cleaned it up see !

Now all that was left to do is to work out how to get one's sheep-feet to touch the pedals. Some sheep suggested taking some old logs and tying them to someones feet, but In the end we all decided that it would take three of us to drive the charabanc. One to steer it, one to work the pedals and one to move the gear stick through the gears. See we weren't silly sheep 'cause we had it all worked out like.
Snowdrop was to push the button to start the engine up as she was going to steer, I would work the pedals and Bronwyn took control of the gear stick...simple!
"Come on girls move down the charabanc and watch out for that hole in the floor."
No sooner i'd said the word when...lots of sheep shrieks came from Myfanwy who had in-ad-ver-tent-ly (another long word), slipped on her bottom and gotten half her body and back feet stuck through the hole.
"If we leave her in that hole will we be able to go faster ?" laughed Grace, pointing to poor Myfanwy.
Pulling a face Myfanwy shook her...loose feet at Grace and bleated, "You rotters, you'd better not."
"I can tell you it took four of us to pull her out from the top while from underneath another four was pushing. She was a little shaken but not stirred, so she said.
"Are we there yet ?" Came a chorus of bleats and sighs.
Well we hadn't moved a fraction so it was a bit silly to reply to that to say the least.
"Start the engine." I baa-rd. Nothing happened. So we got

Hercules came to help

Hercules the cart horse to give it a kick and it started rolling down the steep lane, picking up speed. Then as best I could, I worked the pedals, Bronwyn yanked at the gear stick and Snowdrop put her front feet on the steering wheel and steered it down the lane towards the main road. 
"What does that mean, that writing on the road ?" baa-rd Snowdrop.
I got up from the bottom of the charabanc where I was working the pedals to have a look, just for a second like. "It says Araf !" says I " That means slow!"
"oooOOOooo !" exclaimed all the sheep all at once. Quite impressed they was as I could read...well only a bit but I'm not telling see.
Faster and faster we went. The charabanc made an awful

Innocent as sheep

racket, skidded into the hedge and came to a halt just before the main road, which was a good job. We all got out fast and trotted back up the lane, squeezed through the gap in the edge and well that was that...wasn't it. I can tell you, Farmer Jones got a terrible shock when he saw what had happened. We pleaded ignorance, which wasn't hard for some of us to do and carried on just chewing on the grass and looking...innocent you could say.